Precious

As an "inner city" high school teacher I was thrilled last year when I found a novel all my 9th graders wanted to read, "Push." I found the author was a teacher like me, who published a biographical book after teaching GED to adults (what I am doing now). I started shaking with excitement when I saw Sapphire, the author, at the Park Slope food co-op , shopping, where she and I are both members (the book is for sale there too. I could write a novel on the bugout that is that place, but overall, join). I didn't have the chutzpah to teach "Push" to my kids because of the deeply disturbing material, but was psyched when I saw Mimi on Oprah talking about the movie! Or was I? I LOVE Sapphire and I am so happy for her movie option, but when the big O gets on it, I always get irked. O is also all about Chris Rock's "Good Hair" which was been done by someone called Maya Angelou, but he's Chris Rock and I'll probs see it.

Anyhoo, mazeltov to Sapphire!, PSFC member and artist/teacher who turned pain to inspiration, and "made one of the worst experiences into one of the most beautiful" to quote another talented writer.

-AP

Mackenzie Phillips Has the Worst Dad Ever

He taught her to roll a joint, then shoot up, then repeatedly raped her from 17 until she was pregnant with his child. All of this was said on Oprah. What irked me was the lady O, instead of reaching for her hand or a tissue, grabs for the book, and seems to lack any empathy for Mackenzie, instead letting the "bomb drop" as she twittered previewing her huge exploitative show. Even when Mackenzie appeals to O, "You've also had experience with incest." O counters, "Well, I'll tell you what the backlash will be, 'you were old enough to know better.'" WTF O? Mabes re-read some self-help books on empathy, and victim blaming. And check the headlines, "Mackenzie has sex with dad", still blaming the victim. Not, "John Papa rapist." Coupled with the backlash against the false rape accuser at Hofstra, and just hearing about Tucker Max's existence makes this week for women the worst week ever. And they say feminism is dead.

Divas Diet Hard

Cher is offended Chia refuses to construct a head in her likeness. “Obama got one!” carped the aging legend. When we contacted Chia, the spokesperson said, “She called us herself, screaming, ‘You don’t got me babe,’ over and over again. She even airmailed us an ice sculpture of Sonny Bono.” It doesn’t look like Cher is going to get what she wants anytime soon. We think she’d have better luck dialing Trader Joe’s to see if they’ll make organic chicken nuggets that “sort of” look like her.

We have it on good authority Oprah has been drunk-dialing diet companies. Jenny Craig HQ has been getting strange slurry calls around 1 AM. A woman’s voice hollers, “I’m eating 1 pound of Cheese Whiz. What are you going to do about it bitch?” Nutra System is receiving similar calls around 2:15 AM. An inebriated woman rants, “I just ate 20 s’mores and tomorrow I’m giving away a car to a really poor person. Take that.” The calls became so verbally abusive, both companies hired private detectives who traced the number back to Oprah’s digs in Chi Town. We called, Harpo Studios to see if the queen would confess. Her intern’s intern yammered, “No comment.” And hung up.



-Lianne Stokes

****Disclaimer: All news fake as face-lifts