Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Scandal Sheet: Anything You Can Do, They Can Do Better

If you’re good, they’re great. If you’re great, they’re unbelievably fantastic. Things escalate to high levels, fast. The One-Upper gets nothing out of this besides momentary attention and long-lasting branding as a pathetic prick who needs their ego stroked whenever masturbation won’t cut it.

They can never take a backseat to somebody else’s good fortune. It’s selfish and infantile.

ONE-UPPER: “Oh, you saw Sean Penn in a restaurant? That’s funny, I just spoke to Tom Hanks, John Cusack and Kevin Spacey in a bar, and bought them drinks. Now we’re all best friends, and it’s going to be totally fun hanging in the Bahamas next weekend!”

Even more perplexing than what motivates the One-Upper is how to deal with this person. Do you acknowledge the higher stakes? Do you ignore them and switch topics? My favorite thing to do is engage in a duel of exaggeration.

ME: “The Bahamas, huh? That’s cool. I’ll be stopping there myself, three days into my two month cruise around the world with John Stamos, Will Ferrell, America Ferrera, Jack Black and the Dave Matthews Band.”

Sure, it’s sinking, but mildly amusing fun. Actually pretty exciting. OK, I confess, it’s the best way to spend time!

-Carly Okyle


Anonymous said...

hahaha spot on!

Anonymous said...

This is a skit on SNL with Kirsten Whig, well done.

Hannah Miet said...

Is is just me, or is it impossible to go a day in New York without at least overhearing a one-upper?

Anonymous said...

Nothing Personal

Hobo, standing too close: Don't worry, pretty girl, you ain't got nothing to be scared of. I won't hurt you.
Pretty girl: Oh, I'm not. (smiles) But you should be terrified, 'cause I'll fuck you up.

--14th St

Overheard by: Lucy Lurks

--example of a good overheardinny one-upper?

Anonymous said...

Can we have an overheard in NY One Upper blog?

Anonymous said...

I love this idea. Let's.