Friday, March 13, 2009

Fake News: Stars Strike Out



Dina Lohan, celebutard stage mother turned reality show slut, lit her daughters amber colored extensions on fire late Saturday night. When questioned by authorities Dina responded in between puffs of her Camel 100’s, “It was a metaphor, I was trying to re-ignite her career.” Apparently it took Lindsay’s same- sex- squeeze, D.J Samantha Ronson two seconds to put it out. “I just smacked the shit out of her and the flame died,” said Sam while scratching an imaginary record absentmindedly with her pointer finger adding, “I got it like that.” We texted Lindsay’s iphone which sent us to her 2005 Sidekick and beamed us to her Macbook Air before redirecting us to a portal into her brain. When we asked how it felt to be turned into a tiki torch by the woman who gave birth to you she responded, “I think I like boys again,” then passed out.

Rumor has it, and by Rumor we mean WILLIS. We bumped into the big chinned daughter of Bruce and Demi in front of the coat check at Butter last night and she couldn’t wait to spill it. “The Olsen twins NY digs is completely done-up in particleboard,” she yelled. “Ashley and I were friends for like 3 ½ minutes,” the eldest Willis confessed. “And, her place is completely Ikea! She’s such a poser.” We later bumped into Mary Kate at Nobu Next Door. She was all, “That bitch is just mad at my sister because she told everyone that she looks like Jay Leno.”




-Lianne Stokes

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is obscenely hilarious.

Loves it.

Anonymous said...

where can i get that macbook air brain hook up?

Anonymous said...

when i go to li-lo's brain portal there is usually not enough oxygen to breathe and a lack of gravitas, if you will, so i end up floating out her ear.

Anonymous said...

is rumer's intern's intern going to freak out on pomp next? that would be so hill-air

Anonymous said...

she's already beefing up her twitter on her sidekick brain implant

Anonymous said...

i wish the stars would chill with the twitter craze already

Anonymous said...

heard p diddys is mad annoying

Royal Young said...

Luanne Pokes rules me!

kay zee said...

Bahahahaha