Sunday, March 29, 2009

Scandal Sheet: Fear of Flushing



I’m calling for a rest-room revolution! I understand that the purpose of technology is to make our lives easier and more productive, but toilets that flush automatically cross the line. Are we as a society so lazy and thoughtless that we can’t be bothered to get rid of our own waste?

The argument for automatically flushing toilets is: they’re more hygienic, since nobody has to place their hands on a germ-infested handle, but most people use the bottom of their shoe to push the handle in the first place. I’m not sure my sneaker appreciates the increase in commode convenience.

In many ways these toilets make things dirtier. By not controlling the frequency of the flush, people are caught unaware by a sudden spray of filthy toilet water. The sinks and soap take care of your hands, but how are you supposed to clean your behind? Do you just wait for the next opportunity to shower? Until then, you have a dirty, wet ass that’s as uncomfortable as it is unsanitary. As though using a high-traffic public restroom wasn’t gross enough!

Many times, the toilet will flush itself before I’m done. I end up feeling rushed. I hate when an inanimate object tells me what to do. Who’s in charge, here? I’m all about convenience, but unchecked, expediency can slide into exasperation. Those toilets have entirely too much power. They’ve taken my autonomy along with the toilet paper, and I resent it. Don’t get sucked into technology dependency! Who knows what’s coming down the pipe next? Would anyone want to buy a laundry machine that runs by itself, regardless of if there’s a full load of clothes inside? I’d like to be able to have control over my appliances. I want to put them to use when I find it necessary. Instead, I’m stuck trying to count how many seconds I have left before the toilet decides it’s time.

Take back the bathroom! These automatically flushing toilets are unnecessary, unsanitary, and, I fear, unstoppable.

-Carly Okyle

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